the OLIVE

SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDWEST – This year a wild turkey who goes by the name Tom Gobble is feeling extra grateful this Thanksgiving simply due to the fact that he is still alive and healthy, unlike all the unfortunate turkeys who were shot and killed for the holiday. Gobble claimed, “I certainly don’t take this luck for granted for I could be dead right now on a table with stuffing shoved so far up my ass.” He reported that he is also blessed to not be in a turkey factory farm.

Gobble is expecting to have a small Friendsgiving with other lucky turkeys. He explained, “I traditionally would do something with my family, but all of them have either been hunted, ran over or are estranged and not speaking.” Gobble said he is looking forward to serving his crowd-gobbling frog stuffed with cranberries and bowl of pecans because that is actually food that turkeys eat. Gobble mentioned, “I’m just going to enjoy being present with my friends and eating delicious food as much as I can as this could very well be my last Thanksgiving depending on the turnout of next hunting season.”

At press time, Gobble admitted, “To be honest, I’m praying that when my buddies Jerky and Wattle come over, they eat so much, putting them in a turkey coma, that they will be too tired to talk politics.”