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Asking your employer for a pay raise can be incredibly nerve-wracking and daunting, but the key to getting a raise is finding the right time of when to ask. Listed below are twelve of the best times of when you should approach the conversation that will greatly increase the chances of your boss saying yes when asking for more money.

• Before you’re fired
  It does not do much good to wait until after.

• When your boss isn’t busy putting out fires
  Especially the fires that you have caused.

• When your actual work building isn’t on fire
  At least make sure the the fire has been put out and everyone is safe first before approaching your employer.

• Immediately after you’ve gotten the job
  It shows the fearlessness and the size of balls you have by already asking for more money before you’ve even started working there. They’ll do whatever it takes to keep someone like you on their team when they see how big those balls of yours actually are.

• When you’re employed there
  You don’t have much of a leg up if you have never worked there and are already asking them to give you more money.

• When you don’t walk in on your boss having sex
  Ideally you ask shortly after, as your boss will be in a much better mood which will most certainly make your boss inclined to say yes.

• When you have some dirt on your boss you can use to blackmail
  Hire a private investigator if you have to as the investment will be worth it in the long run. The bigger the scandal, the better.

• Right after you’ve already just been given a pay raise
  It’s worth a try. Besides, a very famous basketball player once said something like you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

• Ideally before your boss has caught you skipping work and being out in public after calling in sick
  That one’s a no-brainer.

• When your boss is grieving from a death in the family
  Stop over at their house with a freshly baked casserole and subtly bring up a pay raise. They will be out of it and emotionally vulnerable and have a much harder time saying no.

• Break into your boss’s home during the night and ask them in their sleep
  They’ll agree just so you’ll leave them alone and they can go back to sleep. Be sure to record them saying “mmhmmm.”

• After you’ve married your boss
  At this point they are obligated and legally bound to you to say yes. If not, you may consider threatening them with a divorce.

Comment with which one you’ll be using!